Living in a sexless marriage can be miserable. Often, the lack of sexual or physical intimacy is a symptom of a bigger, deeper problem. It’s not just a matter of libido or sexual arousal. Sexless marriage can be caused by several factors, such as:
- physical abuse
- emotional abuse
Newly married couples are always on the run into having their own babies. It’s like a race to have their own little cuddly human stuff toys for people to envy them. Its always a blessing to have a baby but what is it about having a baby that makes the marriage a not so happy one? What is it about babies that makes marriage a sexless one? Is it about the baby?
Its not the Baby.
First of all, don’t ever blame the baby for whatever it is that your marriage is experiencing. Your baby is God’s gift for you to have your own family and that is actually not a bad thing. You should keep in mind that it is the both of you, you yourself and your spouse that manages how your marriage will work and not the baby. If you are not having sex, its because there is a problem with yourself or your partner and not because the baby has arrived. Such an ignorant angel shouldn’t get all the blame.
Its not me, Its us.
When you notice that you are having no sex days, you might think about reasons why and you always try to see the bad in your partner and not yourself. You think that it is your spouse that is having problems and that you should be blamed about it. “It takes two to tango”. Whatever it is that you are experiencing, you still have a part for how it happened, no matter how small it is or how indirect your actions may be, you are still part of it. So be kind enough to admit that you also committed a mistake and its not just your partner that has wrong.
Its about your priorities.
When women fell in love, all that they see is the subject of their adoration. When they get married, all that they think about is their husband. We have this strong inclination to strong relationship ties that we really tend to be all over our spouse. Admit it, its so nice to feel cuddled and loved by your husbands all the time right. And men love this so much. They enjoy every single moment of it. But then, when the baby comes, they fall completely in love with these little angels that they tend to forget that they are still wives of their husbands. This is so true when women try to think about their children’s condition and nothing else. They see nothing but their children and they left out the part when they have to be wives to their husbands.
Its wearing you out.
Everybody who have children can relate to this. When your partner is going to work and you have no one to help you tend the house and care for the baby, its exhausting, right? You just can’t let a quick nap to slip away when the baby is asleep or when you have done your chores. The job is fulfilling and a complete enjoyment but at the end of the day, your too tired to have time for a some love making. Who would have time to make love when you have stood for 4 hours because the baby will cry when you let him/her down on the crib? This is a simple matter but then it will eventually eat up your energy and make you useless in bed, literally.
Most of the time, it is the men who notice or suffer the lack of sex after birth. After months of enduring sexless nights during the pregnancy, they were wrong to think that the abstinence will be gone after the baby is born. But then, what really happens after birth that makes women surrender sex? What do men have to know so that they will understand why their wives act this way?
When women get married, all they think about is their husband. They can’t get enough of you. They would want to spend all their time with you. And this is the period of your nonstop sex. You may actually have it every night. You are greatly enjoyed by this time because you feel that your wife loves you and that you will never get separated from each other.
And then the news came, she’s pregnant! You were both happy because you’ll be a complete family. This is the stat of her mood swings and emotional outbreaks but then you understand her because she is going through a rough time. The truth is, when a woman is pregnant her hormones are like riding a rollercoaster. It goes up and down rapidly making her a nagger at one time and very sweet sometimes. You have to understand that during this time, there are changes that happens inside her that she may also be a stranger to. Besides, you are the father of the child she is carrying, you also have to bear the struggles that she is experiencing. This is the time that her tummy is growing big and she’s gaining weight. She feels inferior because she is no longer the sexy and fit lady that you were married to. Her insecurities are starting to buildup and this is the time that you have to be with her and make her feel that she is the most wonderful lady for you.
Months after, she is in labor and just hours past, you are now looking at your baby! Its a very awesome feeling. You are a father now. You have to expect that she would want to spend most of her time with your baby. Her attention is always drawn to your little baby and maybe you just have to give her time to enjoy your baby. after months of another sexless nights, you may gradually start seducing her into having sex with you. But then what is it that hinders her from making love with you? After birth, she wants to shed off all the extra weight that she gained during the pregnancy. She doesn’t want to make love with you while she thinks that she’s ugly and that she’s huge or big. Give her time to regain her self confidence and you may also boost it by giving her compliments (and I mean compliments). When her self-esteem is slowly building up again, you may ease into getting her into bed. Always try to make her feel that she is still the most beautiful woman for you. After pregnancy, women have a lot of insecurities; they think they are huge, they think they are ugly,they think that you will never love her again when you see her body that way. What you need to do is to make her feel that you never lost your hunger for her love. Just like when you were beginning your family, make her feel your passion the fire and the heat of your body. Make her feel that it is her that you want the most and that you love her no matter what and the rest will follow.
Liberation is already spreading and sex is no longer a topic that people stay away from. Advertisements and huge billboards often scream of sex. Its a very courageous thing to admit that you have no sex in your marriage and yet you stay in it. People are actually amazed to find out that you are happy with it. Then what makes a sexless marriage a happy one?
Its not going to kill you
The thing about sex is that it is a need but then not having to satisfy this need will not make you faint and die. You may feel incomplete without it but you will never go insane without it.
Fill that space with things that you see lovable and great about your partner.
Both ends should meet
When you are having a sexless marriage, the two of you should meet in the middle. When the absence of sex is something that the both of you decide to have then being happy with it is never impossible. When there is a disagreement in one part of it, then there will rise a problem.
Maybe this is the secret in staying happy despite a lack of sex in a marriage. Accepting the fact that sex is no longer a part of your marriage will give you the feeling of not having to pressure yourself about it. If your partner can no longer give you sex like before, accept it and find other means to fill this gap. Humans tend to dwell on the things that they can’t have. They try even harder to get it. Let it go, don’t obsess on getting this thing that you desire. Accept it and be contented with what you have.